Hey diary. There's been a lot of things going around that i wanna update a bit.
First, I got myslef into a quarrel with Unit S indians because of the shirt thing haih. And i heard that some lecturers are wanting to see me and get to know this disrespectful girl huh.
Second, I didn't went for assembly and I was caught. I had my student card back though :)
Third, our class had a little bit of some called different opinions and we somehow kinda wanna quarrel but nah. Lame school lame classmates.
Fourth, a car block the pathway in the parking lot so i left a note for the malay girl and she somehow couldn't accept the fact i wrote a reminder to her, that she went to complain to the warden :) stupid girl. Luckily jeffrey didn't say that it was I who wrote that note (thanks).
So sick of this place. Even after 2.5 years. I'm still so sick of this place.
Can't wait to have some soju on friday hmm.
So stressed out by assignments that I couldn't finish.
Finger crossed. Hope i finish on time.
And yeah. I'm tired of my life. Damn tired.

Hi diary. It's been a year since i last wrote. How's life? Is everything okay?
I met a new boy named Denley during 2018 August. Yes, I fell in love with him. And yes, he doesn't. He just like me. We spend nights together but we end up walking separate ways. Sigh.
Had a very hard time to let go of him. He's now in Singapore. Haha. He once said that I will be the only reason that will make him stay in KL. Looks like I'm not now and forever. I'm just tired of how he doesn't respond to my love and doesn't wants to be in a relationship at the moment. He says he needs time to find a stable job. And so I'm asked to wait. I don't feel secure every time. I might lose him. I'm scared. He always ask me why am I afraid of losing him and why not have confidence in myself. I wanted to tell him it's not because I do not have confidence in myself but I know you don't have any feelings for me. I know and I can feel.
He said I've never step into his shoes and think. Well maybe I'm a little bit too rush but am I? I can go through anything with him, yes I can and I'm willing to. However he doesn't want to, not even a chance. He's so selfish that he wants to settle everything on his own. He never thinks that he's not good enough. How can you earn a huge amount of money when you're not putting effort into it.
I hate myself for not being loved by him. I hate seeing myself running to him every time he calls. I hate losing my old me just to attract his attention. I hate being quite and just making sure I'm not stressing him. I hate myself for falling for someone who is not interested in me. I hate myself for being so stupid. And I'm sick of this. I'm tired.
Stupid life. Stupid things. Stupid people.
He keep says that I'm making things look hard to solve. Am i really messing things up? I tried to please him so much. Did everything he ask me to. Am I not good enough? I questioned myself everyday.
Why can't I be loved by someone I loved? Why can't I received the love I'm supposed to? Why can't I keep him right by my side? Why can't I have him? Why am I like this? Why? WHY.

2016.09.28 night
That day we were celebrating mid autumn festival. I was in charge for a game stall. There were many students came and play at my stall even the lecturers too.

2016.09.30 morning
My mentor called me to meet her. I was shocked and nervous, thinking that something bad might had happened. And yeah I was right. She told me that one of the Chinese lecturer complained about my attitude during the celebration. It was said that I had no manners towards the lecturer. I was shocked more than nervous. I can't recall what happened during the celebration. All I know is that I was enjoying leading the game. It's a very serious thing as it happened in IPG. *sigh

To the Chinese lecturer:
I am sincerely sorry for my misbehaviour and I will change the way of talking . Although I don't remember what I did wrong and I might not be wrong...well I'm just sorry.

Dear diary,
I'm gonna be 19 years old in 2 months. It should be a proud thing to be 19, I guess. Well, things doesn't work out for as it should be.
I'm a soon to be 19 year old girl, but you know what made me different from others?
My outlook.
I'm a 19 year old girl with a 14 year old body. Well i think we gotta change it to 12 already.
Duhh 12 yr old girls already start to "grow" boobs and I don't.
I've been struggling on this "situation" since 14 years old.
No one ever knew how much I suffer, From the laughs of people, from those criticizing words.
Why me?
I've cried for years, having no "'solution" to it. I tried to ignore everything about it. I've even tried to accept myself. But how can I when it is so obvious that I don't have. I've tried...
But, why me?
Why must it be me? Why can I be like other normal girls? Why can't I be a normal girl?
WHY...?

I am feeling very stress about my assignment and being in this not so called university.